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Love, Memory, and Music

I was thinking about love, memory, and music during Valentine’s Day weekend.

Love

First, this makes me think of my Mom who has had Alzheimer’s disease for probably about 10 years now and will be 95 in May. Every time I visit her, all she knows and says is how much she loves me, and we spend the time with hugs and kisses. When I leave, she doesn’t really know that I have been there. But when I suddenly show up again the next time, it’s a wonderful surprise for her that makes her day. This constantly amazes me how she still remembers me and knows that she loves me (and my wife), although sometimes she doesn’t know whether I’m her brother, husband, friend, or occasionally son.

She still has her same warm, pleasant, and loving personality much of the time. She’s always telling me how wonderful I am, thanking aides and saying that she loves them, and even EMS ambulance staff how they’re doing a “good job” when taking her to the emergency room when she recently was hospitalized for the flu. On good days, she still exhibits a wonderful sense of humor even laughing at her own inability to find words or complete a sentence. Another thing that strikes me is how she still comes out with typical phrases or sayings that I’ve heard her say over the years. She’s still the same Mom I’ve loved all my life.

Memory

Although this is very sad, it’s probably a blessing that she doesn’t remember that she hasn’t seen me for a few days or wondering when she will see me again. Everything is just “right now”.

She doesn’t even realize that the husband she married over 70 years ago has not been with her for almost 3 years now, and he died a year later in 2013. When he left after a fall in the bathroom for the hospital and nursing home and we realized he was never coming back, she was moved to another room with another woman about her age.

My Dad fell forward hitting his forehead on the vanity, and then backward onto a small table which fractured some ribs and vertebrae. He never recovered in spite of their rehab efforts, and his vascular dementia became significantly worse during his final year..

It’s really amazing that she doesn’t know he’s gone, and it was somewhat strange that we never told her about his death. However, we were advised that it might destabilize her and she would not remember anyway, but possibly know that something was wrong and be anxious about that, and maybe have to experience grief over and over. So it’s much better this way.

Music

Music is wonderful for people with Alzheimer’s disease. They always have music playing in the assisted living memory care facility where my Mom lives. It’s enjoyable, familiar, and comforting for listening while they spend their days. It’s amazing how often residents will start humming or singing along to old hymns or songs from their younger years.

Somehow the music connects with emotions, feelings, and experiences from their life which they would not be able to recall cognitively. It seems to help take them back then and feels good. Alzheimer’s is a terrible disease that gradually destroys your brain, but there’s some way that music and love remain (for now anyway). At some point she won’t even know who I am, that she loves me, or I love her!

I’m Not Gonna Miss You

This also reminds me of the country music legend Glen Campbell, who has been struggling with Alzheimer’s. See my music post about his final song “I’m Not Gonna Miss You”, his “I’ll Be Me”  film, and a CBS “Farewell Tour” video.

I can relate to that very honest song, when listening to the lyrics, which reflect his Alzheimer’s reality with a focus on his wife and family. My Mom won’t miss me either when she dies. Her world is limited to the current moment in time, and sometimes she is overwhelmed with emotion because she is so happy when she sees me. Although there is no past or future for her, she lights up, smiles, and sometimes cries when I visit. But when I leave, she doesn’t even realize that I was there a few minutes ago.

After writing this post, I also wrote a poem about her for a Writing 201: Poetry assignment on trust. Although she may not miss me, I definitely will miss her.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Mom & Dad. Thanks for your love and support all my life. I love you!

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Glen Campbell: Love, Memory, and Music

Originally I published this post over Valentine’s Day weekend. At that time there were several thoughts I wanted to share about love, memory, and music as I was thinking about my Mom who has Alzheimer’s. With Glen Campbell receiving the Grammy award for his last song I’m Not Gonna Miss You, from the documentary I’ll Be Me filmed during his Goodbye Tour, made me also think about his similar struggle with Alzheimers over the past four years.

However, I think it became much too long when these were combined in the same post, after all these ideas evolved during writing. So I have now split it into two separate posts, which they should have been initially. Recently, I also created another related music on The Band Perry which features Glen Campbell’s song Gentle On My Mind.

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Toys For Us

My youngest son, when he was small, always wanted to go to “Toys For Us”.

It was really named “Toys R Us”, but he had the right idea that it meant getting toys for him.

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McDonald Duck

When my son was little, he always wanted to get a happy meal at “McDonald Duck” (better known as just McDonald’s).

I guess it sounded like cartoons on TV, and he probably thought the words went together.

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Mosquito Bites

It’s cute when children try to say complicated words with multiple syllables. I remember when my youngest son, Jonathan, was little (he’s almost 41).

He always called them “Squito-mo-bites” when he was bitten by mosquitos.

Happy 70th Anniversary!
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Happy 70th Anniversary!

This past Monday, Oct 20, was my parents’ 70th wedding anniversary.

Dad died last August, although Mom’s alive but has Alzheimer’s. She doesn’t even know she is married, or even who she is, but somehow she always knows she loves her 5 children, even though she doesn’t recognize that her husband has been gone for several years now.

It’s sad, but they had a happy life together, including the last years before he went to the nursing home after a fall and never recovered.

Elinor Warren

“Happy Anniversary, Mom & Dad!”

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Best Stories

Based on recent analysis of my blog statistics, I have now incorporated a new “Best Stories” feature on the web site, which shows the best story posts viewed on my blog.

The results indicate that “Criminal Hamsters” is the best story.  It tells about trouble caused by pet hamsters that my sons had when growing up.  I remembered this recently while taking them to the park while they were staying with us for the weekend.  I told about the experiences their father had to my grandkids during out ride and thought it would make a good story to share with my blog audience.

I have added sub-menu page for Stories under the Writing menu above. Enjoy reading my stories and find out what others like the most.

Please let me know how you like this capability to read my best stories.

Criminal Hamsters
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Criminal Hamsters

When our sons were young, we had two cute little hamsters, Fluffy and Winston Pooh Bear. However we found out that there was a lot involved with owning them as pets. We remembered these adventures yesterday morning while retelling the stories to our grandkids, and I thought that you might enjoy hearing about them too.

Grandkid Stories

We had our three grandkids (10, 9, and 6) stay with us for the weekend. We went to the park to hike and play, and have them burn off a little energy before we took them to the local Sonic drive-in for lunch and shakes. While driving over there, Paige asked what was our favorite nocturnal animal. Kate, the youngest, responded “What’s nocturnal”? Then Jake, the animal expert, explained that they are animals active at night. Kate suggested an owl, but Paige told her that wasn’t cute enough. So Jake picked a hamster.

Memories

That brought many memories back when our grown sons were their age. I had forgotten about this until that moment, but this triggered us to remember. We told them that their dad and his brother had hamsters when they were young. Then we kept thinking of all the adventures we had during that time. As we started sharing them with the kids, we kept thinking of more incidents.

Airplane Cargo

Our move to Texas from New Jersey involved some additional experiences with our little furry friends. Since we had all our household stuff and car shipped by moving van, we took an airline flight. When making our reservations we asked about taking the hamsters with us on the plane and they said “Sure, no problem!”. Well, when we got to the airport, we found out they could not be carried on and put under the seat (Duh!). We had to purchase $80 crates for them so they could go in with the cargo. I’m not sure how cold it gets that high up, but they survived the journey.

Hotel Guests

After arriving in Dallas, we stayed at a Holiday Inn for a week or so while our new house was being finished and so our kids could start school since they were 10 and 7 at the time. The hotel didn’t allow pets so we had to sneak their cages from our car to the room under cover inside a shopping bag. However, they made some noise in the room when active, so it wasn’t the best arrangement with all of us in one room like that.

Night wheel

One time, my brother-in-law was visiting for Christmas, and was using a sleeper-sofa bed in our TV room, where the hamsters were located in the corner. In the middle of the first night he was there, he came in to tell us that he couldn’t sleep because of all the noise in his room. We went to check, and discovered our hamsters were frantically racing around the wheel they had inside their cages (nocturnal, remember). We had these elaborate cages with exercise wheel, tube mazes, climb tower, etc. So we had to relocate them to another room away from everybody so they wouldn’t disturb him.

Couch Nest

Another time when we went away for a few days, we came back and didn’t find them in their cages. We went hunting all over the house, and finally noticed a bunch of foam pieces on our living room sleeper-sofa. When we opened it up, it turned out that they had chewed it all up inside the cushion to make a nest there and even added a few small toy figures that they had retrieved. They are hoarders, and have huge cheek pouches for food storage. It was really a mess.

The Great (Closet) Escape

My grandson liked “The Great Escape” movie which he saw recently, and now wants to watch more prison movies. That brought back the time where one day we noticed that they had escaped during the night and burrowed through our carpet and under the closet door. We had to explain that to the couple that bought our house when we sold it.

Neighborhood Search

Several times they managed to get out of the cage somehow, probably when someone forgot to close the snap latch after feeding or petting them. They’re pretty quick and probably slipped out of the house via a door left open. After an extensive search, our son finally found them down the street at a neighbor in their garage.

Burial

When they died, since they only live 2-3 years, our kids wanted to have a memorial service for them before burying them in our back yard after a little ceremony for their pets. I think they were later covered over by the deck when we had a pool and hot tub put in the back yard.

Summary

They enjoyed hearing about these stories and had a few chuckles, especially since they imagined their father (and us) having these experiences. Our grandson, Jake, summarized our stories by calling them “Criminal Hamsters”. I thought it might be good subject as a blog post to share with you.